MONSTROUS

Tommy Walker

I Love It

Embed a video and voila, instant graphics. Since I’m the only soul who has commented on this person’s video so far, their comment section can also double as my day’s deep thoughts in writing.

Good to find a simple commentary on the childhoods of serial killers; we need more of this. (By the way, I love your room’s background) Abusive childhoods are indeed key, though I’d like to see more acknowledgment that witnessing mistreatment can be as significant as experiencing it firsthand.

I was with you right up until you stated your belief that a genetic defect needs to be present to account for why some people do and some people don’t, given equally horrible childhoods.

I think it’s more the case in serial killer childhoods that nothing goes right developmentally, rather than that they experience a lot that is spectacularly wrong. Maleness is a huge factor genetically, though I wouldn’t call that a defect, and there are other traits a person can have that would seem innocuous or even positive by themselves, such as physical strength and intelligence, which can help a killer along toward his destiny if these traits become married to an anti-social outlook.

October 31, 2013 Posted by | Comments Around the Web | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

And He Hums Too!

Oh my god, it works! Embed: what a great word.

One of these days, when I rid myself of my cold, I’ve got a bunch more songs– with lyrics.

This was my first YouTube video, and five videos into my YouTube life (audios with a single image) I am still looking for the first view from someone other than myself.

October 30, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Type of Experience I’ll Never Have Again

How do I know this? I don’t. But it’s been a long time, and just before they stopped they were becoming far less frequent.

In grade school especially, and especially when taking tests, I would sometimes enter a state in which my hearing would improve what felt like about tenfold. There’d be nothing to hear exactly– because we were all being silent– but I could hear every pencil scribbling on every desk, and when the radiator clicked on, look out.

It’s something I never mentioned in Monstrous, and it’s always a special moment for me when I can pull something out from my childhood that didn’t make the cut. But it would have tied in nicely with my words on the subject of “only when it was silent did I truly wish to hear”. I grew up amid a lot of screaming, and it seems that my ears would at times decide for me that the coast was clear, that it was okay for us to let down our guard and really listen to whatever was out there.

October 29, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An Ummer Extravaganza

Listen to me think in real time

October 28, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Me and Nietzsche– That’s It

The only known, spontaneously nominated, supreme mindfucks in nonfiction are…

Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche
Monstrous by Tommy Walker

This was found by Googling “mindfuck I have ever read”, as well as all variations involving “mind fuck” as two words and the “I’ve” contraction. Only full books made the cut.

On the fiction side, you might want to buy this first one, as it alone received two votes from people who didn’t know they were voting.

Break Her by B.G. Harlen (2)
Consequences by Aleatha Romig
Comfort Food by Kitty Thomas
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
My Sweet Audrina by V.C. Andrews
An Instance of the Fingerpost by Iain Pears
The Pillowman by Martin McDonagh
Pandora’s Star by Peter Hamilton
The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
The Tied Man by Tabitha McGowan
House of Leaves by Mark Danielewski

A manga title was a late scratch, just in case it attained its status through pictures as well as words.

October 27, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gaskins/Earle on the Canvas and They Can’t Get Up

I was shaking in my shoes but the verdict is in: Monstrous beat Final Truth

At 15-for-63 for Donald Gaskins with Wilton Earle, Final Truth: The Autobiography of a Serial Killer beats heck out of the 27 (I think it was) out of 778 for David Guterson’s Snow Falling On Cedars, in terms of quantified citations from Amazon customer reviews, but it has never received a genre-transcendent, unqualified equal first on a reader’s list of favorite books, and my baby has.

1/17/98 sickest autobiography I’ve ever read
4/15/98 the best criminal autobiography ever?
4/19/98 best true crime book ever written; best written book I have ever read
12/6/98 the most gross (serial killer book)
7/26/99 I have never been so sickened and appalled by any book I’ve read
12/13/99 very best autobiography of a serial killer
1/24/2000 by far the most educational and disturbing book of its kind
10/11/2000 the most engrossing book I have ever read
5/11/2001 I’ve never been so horrified by a killer’s story
10/5/2002 best telling ever of a killer’s crimes
1/27/2003 no book has ever unleashed such an outpour of (previously unknown) emotions in me
1/27/2003 (he regarded it) as the most vivid account of human brutality in print. I must say I agree.
9/5/2003 best damn book I’ve read in a long time
3/9/2010 best serial killer book ever
8/26/2012 I think this is the great book of the year

I’m thinking this space may be used more and more for publishing various lists, and that YouTube may get most of my thinking.

October 26, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Umms and Ers

I seriously like my lavish umms and ers, my partial thoughts to nowhere, my frequent mental backspacing for all the world to hear in my latest ‘radio’ episode on YouTube. It takes me back to the auction gold that my original Monstrous tapes might become someday. A reader once remarked about the minutia I was able to ‘effortlessly’ dredge up from my memory when in reality the process was more like pulling teeth, and having this unedited version of myself means I have something to point to that can hint at the truth of this statement.

I forget the reasoning, though I recall it sounded skimpy, but somehow psychopathy is associated with more umms and ers than are present in the speech patterns of the general prison population. I don’t take much stock in the concept of personality disorders, though for the record it is avoidant personality that I’ve found myself best matching up with. You still might want to avoid me.

October 25, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pretty Happy With This One

…even though I screwed up my own WordPress address in the content of my radio show.

The girl’s name was Kimberly Leach.

Monstrous Tommy Walker Dot WORDPRESS Doc Com

October 24, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Here or There

Doing a lot of staring at my computer screen between journeys from one page to another. To post another YouTube video or post here on my blog? I have thought for most purposes that videos would be easier, since in that medium I’m inclined to let ‘rough drafts’ go, whereas in writing I place the burden upon myself to be more exacting. The use of a recorder in producing audio takes me back to the process involved in creating Monstrous, when audio in the form of a tape recorder was the form of my roughest draft.

What I’m finding, though, at least for tonight, is that I don’t have the psychic energy to project my voice to a level that would be easily heard in the finished product. I don’t think silence beats sound at the moment, and don’t trust completely that I wouldn’t wake my wife up, though she’s downstairs well away from my room. There’s also the issue at present that I might have to be so loud as to hurt my own ears.

This YouTube idea is seductive, with so much potential for views, though as of now I’m the only person who has seen (listened to) my videos. I might be spending a lot more time over there, and less here, holding myself to my one-a-day schedule between the two.

October 23, 2013 Posted by | Monstrous | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Gawdawful, But on the Board

My first ‘radio show’ on YouTube, sore throat and all:

Monstrous Tommy Walker

October 22, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment