MONSTROUS

Tommy Walker

I Am Freud’s Wet Dream

Though I guess a fair question would be, am I my book? As for instance I had never been called a narcissist until people started reading ‘Monstrous’, and I still am yet to get a whiff of this sentiment in the real world. Can you imagine how disheartening it is to hear that your autobiography is too narcissistic? A helpful coworker back when suggested I could write my autobiography about someone else.

My headline turns a quote from one of my favorite readers, replacing her “You are” with “I am”. She was referring to an anecdote starring myself, in some form having relations with a school window. The ‘Monstrous’ Discussion Group we had going at that point had been getting pretty lively, and I felt myself to be among friends, but a lookie-loo against us in spirit spoiled all the fun.

I tried many times in my early days as a BookCrosser to engage in genuine conversations on subjects unrelated to my book, insofar as that is possible in a universe where all is connected, and found that it couldn’t be done. I’d participate in a discussion and find that I had somehow…without a gun, without knives, without a raised voice or particular desire to get to Cuba, hijacked the thread I was in. And what did the hijacker look like? Well, he had horns and all these warts, and he’s squatting right under that bridge! (Fingers all pointing at me.) I thought my ‘Monstrous’ Discussion Group had a chance to be different, limited to readers who actually wanted to discuss my book/me, people predisposed in my favor, but the lookie-loo could not change the channel; she could only go, “My eyes! My eyes!”.

It has been a long time since I dared such a thing as what I am doing now with this blog, but once again I am opening my tender flower self to a twinge of hopefulness that this time things can be different. Or that if people must continue to be their wretched selves that I have increased my capacity to endure them. I am putting myself through this again because ‘Monstrous’ continues to be a beautiful book that for all intents is still undiscovered. I am not convinced that a better one has ever been written, and objectivity is my strongest suit.

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March 13, 2012 - Posted by | Monstrous | , , , ,

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